A Quadrascentennial Celebration (of sorts)
For my 25th birthday I decided to resurface and revise an Odyssey article I wrote in college. This article, “22 Things I Learned Before Turning 22,” was one of my favorite articles I wrote. It was really fun to go back and see what was important to me then. Some of these things still hold true, but at 25 it needed a little update. Not a complete facelift, just a little botox. I’m also glad I got away from Pinterest, yikes.
1. Never apologize for your emotions—especially happiness
I can't stress this enough, and that's partially why it's number 1, but you should never have to apologize for your feelings. This goes for any of them, even the bad ones. It's okay to be angry, sad, down, hurt, resentful, etc. It is also okay to be excited, happy, eclectic, anxious, and everything in between. I put this on the list because I remember distinctly being super excited over something really little and someone (I remember them, but they shall remain nameless) said in a condescending manner, "Why are you so happy?" This bothers me, tremendously. WHY? Really? You shouldn't have to explain why you're happy, the important thing is that in that particular moment you are happy, that's what matters. So in addition to not having to apologize, you don't need an explanation either. Feel freely.
Quadranscentennial Update: Still true. I struck-through the last part because it implies that specific emotions have more worth than others, and that’s not the case. 22 year-old me got to that point a little later, so kudos.
2. Make friends in new places, they’ll come in handy
You can never make too many friends. That being said you don't have to be their very best friend if you only met them like two times. But, it doesn't hurt to keep occasional contact. You never know when you'll be traveling unaccompanied through their area, or interviewing for a job in their company, etc. Shake hands and smile. It will get you a long way.
Quadranscentennial Update: Still very true. In the last three years I have graduated college, had a first job and then a second and completed a master’s program. Your network is invaluable. Don’t just shake hands and smile, make connections and build relationships. Offer favors, help each other out, return favors. Your connections will turn into friends, colleagues or even family.
3. Have discussions, even if it’s awkward. Do not raise your voice, better your argument
This is something I continue to struggle with, probably because I'm just an emotional person. When you're trying to defend your position or advocate for something new, do not yell it. If you get too emotional, it only signifies that you have a weak argument. If you're argument is good enough in itself, you do not need to scream it. Plus getting emotional makes you look like you can't handle pressure and you don't want that either.
Quadranscentennial Update: I understand 22 year-old me’s point, but things have changed dramatically in three years: personally, politically, socially, religiously, etc. Instead of jumping right into having a “better argument,” start with a discussion. Have discussions that you don’t want to have. Have discussions with those who have opposing views. More importantly, have discussions - not arguments. In our current society, we’re not getting far by choosing sides. So meet in the middle, even just for a brief conversation. Ps. Showing emotion doesn’t mean you have a weak argument, it means you care.
4. Believe you can; whether you do or don’t, you’re right
An old friend told me this along time ago, and I strongly believe it. It took a lot of things for me to realize this is true. Most strikingly, a long terrible season of injury and bad coincidences. When I came back from a season of defeat, the biggest hurdle was confidence. Whenever I tell myself that I can do something, I usually am right. The opposite is also true, if you tell yourself you can't, you've beaten yourself before you've even tried. Don't be your own worst enemy.
Quadranscentennial Update: I like this one. No edits.
5. Don’t forget a “thank you” where it is due
The worst feeling is not giving the proper appreciation to someone who has helped you. You won't realize it immediately, but when you do you will kick yourself for not taking the 5 seconds to just say "thanks". This applies to friends, parents, teachers, boy/girlfriends, everyone.
Quadranscentennial Update: Sometimes this is often overlooked. Now that I have someone in my life that always shows his appreciation, it’s made me more aware of doing the same. I’m not perfect at doing this, but it’s getting better. And trust me, it means a lot. It doesn’t have to be “due” to show your appreciation, it is always welcome.
6. Accept your efforts for what they are. Don’t ever give up on something you might miss
I've learned this through a number of different aspects of life. Classes, hobbies, sports, relationships, etc. I think it is a great piece of advice for the 20-something's who never know what direction to go. If you're ever thinking about giving up or letting something/someone go, make sure you realize what you would be missing out on before you make a decision.
Quadranscentennial Update: There are situations in which you have given all of your second chances and attempts to salvage something permanently broken. It’s okay to take a step back from that and start over. It’s okay to admit that you cannot fix something. It’s okay to ask for help to fix something. It’s okay to try and not fix it. Someone recently told me that they have been trying to “save the dead pigeons on the street” instead of putting their time and effort into something that is alive and well. Though the metaphor is a little funny/ morbid, it makes sense. Know when to leave the dead pigeons alone.
7. Relish in the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you
There will be days where everything just sucks. Really, it'll be like one of those rainy Mondays that get you because you didn't check the weather before wearing the wrong outfit outside. Then you'll forget something important, you're your* hair won't cooperate and you feel as though you are drowning. That will happen. But what will also happen is that little glimmer of hope that comes in form of a joke or a smile that someone will put on your face. You'll forget about your rain-soaked clothes, unruly hair, and the 0 you took on the forgotten homework assignment (it was probably only like 2% of your grade anyway) and everything will seem okay. Remember those small little moments that bring you back from your self pity party, because those little moments are going to save you from the darkest days.
Quadranscentennial Update: Part of the beauty of these nameless moments is that they are often forgotten quickly. They are so powerful in the moment. They pull you out of a rut and immediately breathe life back into you. But they are fleeting. They will return, briefly and beautifully.
8. Be well-dressed on Mondays
I always get comments on Monday mornings where I'm walking around dressed to the 9's (I have 8:30am Admissions shift so I have to, but still), and people are so confused as to how I have the "will power" to dress up on a Monday morning. College kids are so lazy, btw. It reflects something about you though. On a day that is constantly dreaded, the hardest morning to wake up to and get through, you chose to take the time to get up a little earlier and make yourself (exceptionally) presentable. Some may think you're a try-hard or that it's unnecessary, but others will commend you for it. Plus you never know who you'll end up meeting on that Monday, but no matter who it is, you'll be dressed for the occasion.
Quadranscentennial Update: This update is short. Don’t limit your efforts to a Monday. If it’s something new, maybe start with a Monday. Let this be a metaphor for something larger than a wardrobe choice (though that is a big deal to me). Just try. It’s no longer “cool” to be lazy or not care. Care, damnit!
9. Don’t lose yourself to gain someone else
This is tempting. Sometimes you get a crush or a new significant other and you want to do whatever it takes to please them. The good news is, that means you have a big heart. The bad news is, you won't be able to tell when it's taken advantage of. Never change your standards for someone or something else. because you think it will cause someone to leave you. If they do, they weren't aren’t worth it. If they stay, then you know you got a good one. I like this quote and I think it applies here: "Keep your heels, head, and standards high."
Quadranscentennial Update: Don’t change your values, standards or morals for anyone or anything. These things are more precious than diamonds and they are far more rare.
10. The little things are anything but little
Refer to #7 for more clarity. The little things in life that make you happy are so much bigger than they seem. When things get hard, hold on to those "little" things.
Quadranscentennial Update: This was a cop-out for 22 year-old me who couldn’t come up with something better. I mean, yeah it’s true, but let’s be more clever.
11. Know your worth so you know when it goes unrecognized
When I was trying to get into to college those short 4 years ago. I was overlooked by coaches and got wait-listed into my then dream school (*gasp*), I thought it was the end of the world at the time (*dramatic music*). Going through this only made me want to be the best person I could be and enrich the school that did want me there (I think I've stuck to that pretty well) (chill, Lexie you’re ego is showing). This experience only showed me that sometimes people will not understand your worth. It also made me realize it myself, and now I think that the coaches that denied me regret that. Don't let anyone undermine you, know your own self-worth. Just because someone doesn't recognize your worth, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Quadranscentennial Update: This is such a naively-written paragraph to say something pretty obvious and simple: you are unique and you are worth love, acceptance, friendship, happiness, success, and all the things you want in life. Period. Remember that.
12. Things start over. That’s why God made Mondays, January, and sunrises.
There will come a time (or many) that you feel as if you have hit rock bottom. There will come a time (or more) that you are at rock bottom. That is okay. Things always get better. Maybe not as quickly as we would prefer, but they do. The dark days will end, you just have to hang in there.
Quadranscentennial Update: I’m pretty sure I stole this from Pinterest. Vomit. I don’t know how many “rock bottoms” I hit or “dark days” I had at 22 (eye roll) but there is a decent point here. Things start over. This doesn’t have to be a sob story. You can choose to start over. You can choose to quit your job, start a new one and move to a city all in 3 weeks. Things start over and it’s a good thing.
13. People are always teaching you, be a better student
I've found that people, although they may seem elusive and hard to read, actually tell you a lot by their actions. Listen to what people say, pay attention to their body language, notice what makes them laugh. People are always revealing themselves to you, you just have to give them the attention they deserve.
Quadranscentennial Update: This one is a good one. Be a sponge. Observe your surroundings. Take note of how people treat you, and especially treat others. It’s important. You’ll learn a lot from watching.
14. You spend a large part of your life in shoes—invest wisely
This is a great way to justify spending too much (I mean, is there a such thing?) money on a pair of shoes.
Quadranscentennial Update: Ugh, true. I would go as far to extend this to a full ensemble.
15. Buy a watch, you never know who will need the time
My favorite accessory that has become more of a necessity is a watch. I can't count how many times I've been out and someone asks the time. It's something so simple that initiates a kind interaction between strangers. And we all know, kind interactions between strangers are hard to come by these days.
Quadranscentennial Update: Some of these have too many fantastical situations, ew. This one is not relevant, because Apple watches.
16. Take the back road when you get the chance
I've lived on a back road my whole life and never really came to appreciate it until a couple of years ago. A very special person took me on a back road from Starbucks that lead back to campus one day. It was one of the most peaceful drives I've been on. A back road allows you to think about all the great things in life when you're too distracted by city lights. If you find one, take it.
Quadranscentennial Update: I like this because, as I mentioned, I grew up on backroads and so they give me some sort of comfort. If you get nauseous on back roads, obviously this can be a metaphor to something else that provides the same comfort and opportunity to reflect.
17. Ripped jeans, in fact, do not cost less
Ever since I was rocking abercrombie (kids) I've loved a good pair of destroyed denim. My grandpa always had the most clever remarks about how he "hoped they cost less since they were missing half the material." In my 22 years, I have yet to come by a pair of destroyed denim that costs less than a normal pair. But every time I put on a pair, I smile to myself remembering that innocent joke that used to drive me insane.
Quadranscentennial Update: I love this. I miss him even more when I wear them now. I’d love to hear what he has to say about my tattoos now.
18. Family is not always born to you
I have found the best people being in college. People that go beyond the limitation of a friend. They're the people who let you come in without knocking because they do the same. They let you lay on their bed and talk nonsense while they continue with whatever task they were on. They text you about things that remind them of you, laugh at the same jokes and make you laugh. These people you don't mind lending you clothes. They are the ones who check to make sure you made it in okay after a night out or pick up your tab when you forget your wallet. They can give you a look that says more than words could ever do justice. These people are rare. When you find them, you know they aren't your friends, they are your family.
Quadranscentennial Update: Absolutely. I’ve met even more wonderful people since this was written. Shoutout to you guys, you know who you are.
19. Be careful who you let do your hair
Hair grows back, yes. But it does not do it with haste. Also, good hairdressers have the best gossip, and the best hairdressers don't spread yours.
Quadranscentennial Update: Probably one of the most important ones on the list.
20. Worry does not rid tomorrow’s sorry, it denies today’s strength
I still have to remind myself of this one. You can worry yourself to death, but whatever the impending fate is, it will come. Don't worry about what's to come, prepare yourself for how to handle it.
Quadranscentennial Update: Another Pinterest quote. I do agree that worrying doesn’t fix your problem. The better alternative to this is to be ready to face whatever challenge is next. Life’s challenges are unexpected and inevitable. Just know it’ll work out.
21. Second chances are worth distributing, sometimes*
Coming from someone who is the worst with holding grudges, this is a good one to consider. If I hadn't of given out some second chances, I would have missed out on some of the best moments and greatest people in my life. Bitterness and resentment only makes your heart harden, give a second chance to someone who wants it. You'll be surprised with what they do with it.
Quadranscentennial Update: Don’t even ask for a third, though.
22. It’s not work if you love what you do
My beloved school has this as the header of the website, and it is so true. Don't get an education for a paycheck, don't get a job for a salary, get a career because not only will you have the financial stability but you won't have to work a single day of your life. I chose a biology degree for all of the wrong reasons, and here I am four years later questioning whether I should have done something different. I do not regret my decision, being a biology major taught me more than the natural sciences and the dreaded "E" word (evolution). But I'm unsure I can find a career in the biological sciences. I could definitely find a job, but who couldn't? I want to love my work, and I want to do something that I will never want to quit doing. I haven't found that quite yet, but I'm working on it. I'll know it when I find it. I know a lot of people who go through the motions of their job and long for the days they will be retired. You will know those people when you see them, too. I don't want to live that way. Do what makes you makes you happy. Find your passion and turn it into a career.