Who: Me (feat. Sam!!)

What: It’s like living with an SO

When: You’re ready

Where: Currently - Nova

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I love telling Sam and I’s story. I usually don’t tell our story unless people ask. Not because I’m overly-private or anything like that. I usually just try to listen more than talk - still working on that. But I do like to talk about Sam because he is genuinely one of the best people I’ve ever met. (Yes. I have third-party confirmation on this.)

If you’re just tuning in, Sam (my boyfriend of ~three years) live together most recently in our new apartment. Something that people always seem curious about but don’t know how to politely ask about (unless prompted) is our living situation.

I remember all of the reactions when we told people that we were moving in together. Some good, some different, none really bad. I think people are more curious than judgmental, but maybe that’s my optimism showing. But for my friends and acquaintances, and readers who are curious about living with a significant other, I wanted to provide some insight.

If you’re a regular, and you follow me on Instagram, then you may see your question on this post! I asked my followers what they were most curious about our living situation. I also put together some of the most common questions I’ve gotten. And to give you both sides, I formatted this Q&A style with Sam’s answers, too!

Photo by the wonderful Carissa Divant, By Grace Studios

Q: How did you guys decide to live together?

Lexie: The decision felt like it was made for us, in a good way. Sam had been living in Nova for an internship and got a full-time promotion. I got a job offer in the area a few months after Sam had been promoted. My new job started just three weeks after my offer and I had to move my life to Nova. Sam found us an apartment (after many Google searches and a few Facetime tours) and I jumped at the opportunity to work and go to school in the area. Living together only made sense from a practical, financial and relationship standpoint.

Sam: I literally packed my bags from college after I got back from a track meet in late-May to come up here to start an internship in June. I was blessed to live with family friends for about nine months until I could turn my internship into a full-time job and get my feet under me. I was planning on moving out around April (2017), and fortunately, Lexie was offered a job up here then, too. We were talking about living together before, so it was a no brainer to do it then.

Q: Were your parents mad when you told them?

L: My parents weren’t “mad” about the fact that I was choosing to move-in with my boyfriend. I think an accurate description of their feelings would be, surprised. The job switch and move happened so quickly. Like I said I made a decision to quit my current job, take a new one, and move to a new area in a three-week timeframe. I would imagine there was a little skepticism about the decision since it seemed so sudden, but definitely not mad. They’ve been nothing but supportive about every decision I make, even when they may disagree.

S: Absolutely not. My parents were happy that I would have someone that I was close with up here. Of course I had friends in Reston, but my closest friends were scattered around Chesterfield, Roanoke and Bridgewater; so to have someone I was close with up here, they were all about it.

Q: Did one of you move for the other?

L: I moved to where Sam was only after I found a job that aligned with my career goals. Sam was living with family friends, so technically both of us had to move, to an extent. My job opportunity and desired graduate program was in Nova. It was a personal and professional choice to make the move, Sam was an added bonus.

S: I didn't, I moved up here for the job. There's so much opportunity in NOVA, so I'm really glad we made the decision to settle down (for at least a few years) here.

Q: What is it really like living with your SO?

L: My answer could go on for days. It is so many things to live with an SO. It’s nothing like having a college roommate, but very similar at the same time. It takes a lot of work, flexibility, cooperation, and most importantly, communication. Living with an SO is a partnership. You are both working to maintain a space, financially support your living and making it enjoyable. Sometimes those are effortless, sometimes they require some elbow grease.

Like I said, Sam and I are constantly reminding each other that we love living together. I think it’s because we have a real partnership. On days I grocery shop and cook, Sam does the dishes. Sometimes I come home to a fully cleaned apartment because he spent his break cleaning it for us. Sometimes I come home to snacks on the coffee table next to the PlayStation remote because he spent his break playing Madden. Sometimes he comes home to a fresh meal and tidied apartment, sometimes I’m still on the couch binging Netflix. There is give and take. That works for us.

What works for us won’t work for everyone. A mountain of laundry sometimes goes unfolded for a week because we are so busy and we can’t force ourselves to use our downtime to fold. It works for us. (Moms, if you’re reading this: it eventually gets folded).

S: I love it. You really get to know a person by living with them. You get to realize what really matters to a person and ultimately, that now means a lot to you, too. If I was living by myself, I would probably live with 1 beanbag in the middle of my living room, directly in front of my TV. Now, I find myself looking at chaise couches in my free-time to see what will fit our new place.

It all evolves, just like anything else. Living with 5 other dudes is a lot different than living by yourself in someone else's home, which are both different than living with your girlfriend.

Some days I'm doing most of the cleaning and washing and sorting, other days I'm playing video games when I come up for air to see everything is spotless.

Instead of writing a love letter or a sticky note on the kitchen table wishing her a good day, maybe a love letter is a clean dishwasher or clean, sorted clothes. We do a great job at communicating what's going on, so that is something we've always done well. When you live with someone who literally has a masters in communication, you better try your best to match that.

It's really cool to reminisce with Lex to see where we were, or see what we've accomplished in the time we've lived together. Between raises, promotions, degrees, how much money we've saved by having a Harris Teeter VIC card, it's all really cool. Also her being close with my work friends and me being close to her work friends, it's a fun sense of community that I didn't think I'd have in such a big city. 10/10 would recommend with a friend.

Instagram Q: How do you create a Pinterest-inspired/trendy living space and keep it gender neutral?

L: This is such a difficult task! Furnishing an apartment is not cheap. We like to spend our money on experiences so purchasing furniture is a difficult spend for us. However, we do love spending quali time on our couch and in our place so once we got a new apartment that we love, the spending ask wasn’t so difficult to do. Now to answer your actual question:

I share a lot of ideas from Instagram and Pinterest with Sam. He’s not hard to please and he honestly would let me do whatever. But I didn’t want to create a space for me, I wanted to create a space for us. I like to watch Sam clean or organize things because it gives me an idea of how he functions. I think that’s the main thing to get started - knowing how you function. Then you can fill your space with furniture and decor that allows you to function.

I fill our space with a lot of neutrals. Tans, greys, beige, black and off-white. I add dimension with brass or leather details. I like mid-century style furniture and Sam loves a pop-up coffee table: done. I love a chaise-style couch to host and Sam wanted a couch that was comfy: done. It’s all about combining both of your wants to meet your needs.

And to give credit, Sam does have a good eye. He’ll show me pieces of art that I like. Or he’ll organize the TV cords so they are perfectly discreet and hidden within my decor. Stay tuned on a blog post with our updated furnishings, we worked really hard this time around.

S: Yeah what she said. I just give Lex my credit card.

Instagram Q: When’s the Big Day? ;P

L: September 27, 2027*

*Subject to change.

S: We move in to our new place on January 31st!

Instagram Q: Does Sam get mad when you don’t replace the toilet paper roll and just place it on top?

L: HAHA, yes. But only makes a point to mention it every 10th time I do it.

S: Yes.

Instagram Q: How do you balance responsibilities of renting (paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.)

Both: I touched a little on this above as far as sharing responsibilities (cooking and cleaning). We believe you just have to have that conversation up front. What are the incomes, what are the bills, what are each other’s schedules? Sam and I have navigated this for two years and it’s rarely the same depending on what life events happen: grad school and part-time jobs, raises and promotions, taking on more clients and longer hours, lung collapses, and so one. Life is always going to throw curve balls, be flexible. We often talk about what works for us: who cleans after who cooks, who has time to make the trip to the store this week, what makes for the most comfortable living situation for both people? We think it’s most important to have an ongoing dialogue about this so there are expectations, boundaries and no surprises (except the good kind).

Like I said (or I believe), this is a partnership and it can’t work unless it works for both people.

We often tell each other how much we love living together. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy or that it’s for every couple. Because to some people it seems like one big fun sleepover every night, and to others it seems like an impulsive decision to live with “just your girl or boyfriend.” Maybe this will change your perception on our living situation, maybe it will inform you on your own future decisions, maybe it will just fulfill your curiosity: all of the above are fine with me. Do with it what you will.

So You Want To Know About Living with an SO?